It was so simple. So easy. Too easy, she thought as she closed her trembling hands and stared down at her scuffed, black heels. Just three little words. But what came with the words, was heavier than the burden that carried with her always. When it was all supposed to be so magical and grand, the word had been thrown around so blatantly her whole life, she just couldn’t be sure of the true meaning.
“Why can’t you love me?” She remembered, whispered slowly, then again, louder, more intense. Then came the pain. Fear. Hate. Fear. Back and forth. Again and again. “Don’t you love me?”
“Y-Yes,” Shaky. Reluctant. How could she know what it meant?
“Prove it,” It was a command. She didn’t have a choice. She didn’t have control, they would say later on. She was only a child.
She tried not to evolve her entire life around it. For so long, she couldn’t even remember that it had happened. It was only when her brother reminded her, that all the memories came back. Fast and swift, like the wind. they came back to her, that she struggled to contain it all.
She could not cry.
She would not.
But when the boyfriends tried to kiss her, she pulled away, unable to look. When a friend told her he loved her, she couldn’t believe it.
“What does that even mean?”
“How can you say it?”
And why can’t I?”

She was so sorry. When she ended it, she couldn’t even meet his sad eyes. He had been perfect. Almost too perfect, she had told him. It wasn’t him, it was her. She wasn’t ready for that.
Because she couldn’t give herself to you.
She couldn't say it back.
Why couldn’t she love you?
She tried.
Maybe next time around, she won’t be so scarred.
Maybe next time...
She’ll be ready.